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Saturday, January 31, 2015

HEY JOE, WHO IS ON THE NEW STAMP? by Branden Wang



        Well... it is 2015, a new year. Why not make a new postage stamp? This stamp will be different; it must not have some tree or some meadow on it. It will be like no other postage stamp; it will have a president’s face on it. Which president’s face? You ask. It shall be President William Jefferson Blythe III aka Bill Clinton’s face on the postage stamp.
       Do you know president Bill Clinton is ranked the 12th best president out of 43 presidents? That is pretty good, you agree? George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, and finally, Herbert Hoover aka, the ____ who started the great depression do not deserve a stamp (sorry guys but you were not good presidents). Both the Bushes lowered taxes and believed that companies do not need a government’s permission to do things *boo*. During Jimmy Carter’s presidency, the interest rate was 25% *thumbs down*. Ronald Regan kept borrowing money from other countries, and only three years into his presidency, the US already owed 4.7 trillion dollars ($4,700,000,000,000) *tomatoes being thrown*. Finally, the ____ who started the great depression, Herbert Hoover - that man caused the whole great depression business *boos, thumbs down, and tomatoes being thrown*. Bill Clinton deserves a postage stamp. When he was in office, unemployment fell from 6.8% to 3.6% *oh yeah*. The stock market average rose from 3,651 to 10,788-a surprising 26.7% a year *clapping and oh yeahs*. Don’t you think Bill Clinton needs something to be on?
        Bill Clinton, he is a classic! Bill Clinton may have fewer enemies than other former presidents, making it safer to put him on a postage stamp. If we put George Washington on a postage stamp, the English might say “Hey, why can’t we put King George the III on a postage stamp?” If we put Abraham Lincoln a postage stamp, the southerners might say “Why can’t we put Jefferson Davis or Robert E. Lee on a postage stamp?” And if we put Andrew Jackson on a postage stamp, the English might say “Hey, why can’t we put King George III on a postage stamp?” As you can see, many presidents have many enemies, but Bill Clinton does not have many enemies so when we put him on a postage stamp, we will not get into a fight, if you know what I mean.
We are not in the 19th century any more. George Washington, Valley Forge, Trenton, Yorktown, does that ring a bell? Yes, because you already know who are George Washington, John Adams, Tomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Abraham Lincoln - everyone knows them. Why not change it up a bit and give a more modern person a chance? The people in the 18th to 19th century had their chance to have the spotlight a long time ago - seriously, a long time ago. Let us give the spotlight to someone else in the 20th to the 21st century a chance. This person cannot be JFK (John Fitzgerald Kennedy) or FDR (Franklin Delano Roosevelt) because they already got their spotlight 45 to 100 years ago. Bill Clinton is the guy you want, he is current, and he is important.
You might say he let Osama Bin Laden get away. Well, news flash, Osama Bin Laden was killed a few years back. You can leave the past now and step into the future. Bill Clinton had kept the economy well for 8 years, and the economy also had extra money to spend, unlike when we had the Bushes or Reagan. Bill also paid what we owed the other countries we borrowed money from. I think you should stop worrying about the past and think about the present.
It is 2015. New this. New that. New everything, and possibly a new stamp with Bill Clinton’s face on it. Good idea, right? Now I have another question. Do you still have time? We are going to have to persuade the postage-stamp makers to make a stamp with Bill Clinton’s face on it.

*PLEASE NOTE WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR RAGING INQURIES  

4 comments:

Coach Jen Ng said...

Branden, you have outdone yourself! This is hilarious; I couldn't stop laughing throughout the essay. You clearly had done extensively research on presidents before deciding on Bill. I am convinced; Bill has my vote!

Excellent piece! Bravo!

Anonymous said...

This really cracked me up.....

Great, great job.

Well done!!

L.W.

Anonymous said...

Your title is amazing and keep up that creativity!!! Can't wait to read your next essay!!!
-grace

Anonymous said...

Brandon, you must have done a considerable amount of research when writing this article. President Bill Clinton should be honored to accept your nomination. Nice work! BTW, have you thought of sending this article to him?

-JT

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